All I've Got
by Fang-Fiend
Summary: Takes place after Eclipse/Beginning of Breaking Dawn. Bella wants to expand her physical relationship with Edward, who is reluctant to try anything heated. What will happen when Edward's control falters? AU Somewhat OOC Darkward fic.
1. Fluorescent Adolescent

Hey!

So I decided to write one of those Edward & Bella practicing fics! This is just really fun to write, and I hope you enjoy.

Rated M for lemons (soon to come) and language.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephanie Meyer, I just like to make up stupid little stories about them.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

~Bella's POV~

June 7th, 2008

The meadow was lush with greenery; the air humid from the morning dew, the sun hot. We sat in the middle of the grass, our hands entwined, talking about absolutely nothing important as Edward played absent mindedly with a strand of my hair.

He pressed his cold lips against the nape of my neck, sending refreshing shivers up my spine. He moved to my jugular, his favorite spot on my neck, and kissed it gently. He moved up slowly, feathering me with soft kisses, stopping at his destination, parting my lips with his own.

His kiss was eager; rougher than normal, something I hadn't expected. I took in a sharp gasp, causing him to immediately pull away and have me at arm's length.

"I'm sorry, Bella," He said quickly, panicked. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I shouldn't have – "

"What? NO! You didn't hurt me!" I bellowed, attempting to pull him in for another kiss, but he didn't budge. I wasn't even sure he noticed my advances, but seemed to move further away.

"Edward, you didn't hurt me," I said in a more composed tone. "Really, I _liked _it. I _want _that. From you." I couldn't help but blush, even though I've said those words one too many times.

He gave me a brilliant smile, flashing his teeth. "Soon, love. The wedding is fast approaching."

"Not fast enough," I grumbled, trying my best not to pout.

"Look whose warming up to the wedding after all."

"Haha. You know what I meant."

He chuckled, settling back into the soft grass, closing his eyes. I watched, completely mesmerized as the sun reflected off of his marble skin, glistening as if there were thousands of diamonds implanted in his pores.

I was still fascinated with this phenomenon, running my fingers along the length of his arm as the rainbow-like reflections danced across my skin.

I couldn't help but question reality once again. I _had _to be dreaming. There's no such thing as vampires, right? It was only a matter of time before I wake up in a mental hospital, I was sure.

"You know…" I trembled, sure that he noticed. He sat up on one arm, looking at me intently, urging me on.

"Never mind," I sputtered, trying best not to make eye contact with the vampire before me.

"Oh, no you don't, Isabella Swan," He said teasingly. I could hear the strong curiosity in the undertone of his voice as he gently laced his fingers around my wrist, stroking my hand.

"Tell me," He pressed, pulling me into his chest. I shook my head, nuzzling into him in a poor attempt to hide my face. I could feel the heat pooling in my cheeks, and was sure my heartbeat was erratic.

"I'm going to assume it's much worse than it really is…"

I groaned, knowing he wouldn't let this go until I told him. I knew it was an argument waiting to happen. Inevitable. I took a deep breath, preparing my thoughts.

"It's just that…well…" I stumbled over my words, not sure how to phrase what I was about to disclose.

"I know you want to wait till after the marriage to…you know…" I was sure Edward was worried about my heart possibly beating out of my chest and onto the grass, or at least a mild heart attack.

He nodded, still staring intently on my face. I mentally scorned myself for not having the courage to say '_sex' _in front of my soon-to-be-husband. How is this ever going to work?

"I'm perfectly fine with that, Edward," My voice was still a bit uneven, but my breathing was now in perfect control. His features softened at my words, as if he's been relieved from a huge burden.

"But…" I went on, looking to his face for emphasis. He immediately tensed again, his eyebrows furrowed with concern.

"There are _so many _other things that are in between chaste kissing and actually doing it, Edward." He sighed, looking to the grass, avoiding my eyes. He looked pained, ill. His features were strained with disapproval.

"We can't, Bella," He said in a stern manner, closing his eyes and holding his breath.

I felt rage build up in the depths of my gut. I took a deep breath, trying to ease the rejection I felt.

"What do you mean 'we cant'?" I spat, trying to remain at least somewhat under control.

"It's too dangerous. I might –"

"Hurt me? Lose control? Ugh. Typical Edward." I mumbled, rolling my eyes. "What was that a couple of weeks ago, then? You were ready to put out for me right in this very spot." I said, reminiscing to the time where he said I gave too much away - the time where he was ready to consummate our relationship right here in the grass. Was that a bluff?

"Were you lying? Toying with my fragile human mind?" I was unaware that my voice rose into another octave, and I was now standing.

"No, Bella. I wasn't 'toying' with your mind, nor lying."

"You make no sense at all," I said, defeated, slumping to the ground.

"You know, if you don't want to have sex with me, then you can just tell – "

"You're absurd!" His raised voice caught me off guard, cutting me off. "How can you assume such a thing? Absolutely ridiculous!"

"You're the one that's rejecting all of my advances. What do you think I'm supposed to assume?"

"Well, not _that._"

"What then?"

Edward gave me an exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"Bella, listen to me. I'm doing this for your own well-being. You know that. I've explained this hundreds of _thousands_ of times, and I'm not doing it again. End of discussion."

I huffed, completely unsatisfied where this conversation has lead. Whenever I simply_ implied _our physical relationship, he closed himself off, locking his mind away.

"So that's it then?" I growled, my fists clenched into tight little balls.

"Yes, moot subject." He closed his eyes and laid silently back into the grass, taking a deep breath, his face soft, unreadable.

I waited for him to say something, anything. To at least _flinch. _He did none of that. If it wasn't for the supernatural tendencies I've become so accustomed to, I would be worried he was dead.

I grumbled, standing up, turning away from him and marching to end of the clearing, not willing to stop.

"Where do you think you're going?" He was right beside me in an instant, gently grabbing my arm, which I yanked away swiftly.

"I'm going home," I said, walking into the dense forest.

"Bella? Home is that way," He said, giving me a quirky smile and pointing in the opposite direction.

"I was taking a detour," I snapped back, continuing to walk straight ahead.

He suddenly appeared right in front of me with a crooked grin. "Hey," He mocked, startling me as I jumped back.

"Move," I groaned, attempting to push past him. He stood like an immoveable wall. Every time I moved, he moved, holding me back.

A teasing grin was plastered across his face every time he stepped in front of me. He was amused by my frustration and anger. He was having _fun_.

"Let me through!" I attempted to push through him again, this time he wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me still in a strong hold.

"You're going to get lost," He whispered in my ear.

"I'm sure I'll eventually find my way." His amused expression finally faltered, his cheeky grin turning into a scowl.

"Bella, please don't be like this," he grimaced. I tried to wiggle myself out of his strong hold, but failed.

"Don't start with me, Edward," I warned. He loosened his grip and stood back, eyeing me carefully, apologetically.

"Ugh, just take me home." He abided without a sound, picked me up swiftly, placing me on his back.

In a matter of minutes we were back at the Volvo, Edward strapping me in gently in silence, as I remained furious.

The ride back was exactly the same: quiet. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared intently out the window, trying to make my anger and disapproval obvious.

"Tell me what you're thinking," He broke through the invisible barrier between us. I could feel his eyes bore into the side of my head, thick with curiosity.

Trying not to make eye contact, I rebuked, "You know exactly what's wrong."

He sighed, "Please don't think I'm using my weaknesses as an excuse to not get physical with you. Believe me, there is nothing I want more than to consummate our relationship."

I turned to face him, irked by the mere fact that it seemed he was paying absolutely no attention to the road and instead my face. His deep topaz eyes were wide, his face sincere.

"Actions speak louder than words, Edward," I said mulishly. His gaze fell slightly to the floor as he took an unneeded breath, and turned his attention back to driving.

He turned into my driveway, turning off the car, and walked me to the door, ever the gentleman.

His topaz eyes were a bit darker than they were before, possibly from our previous conversation. He kissed my forehead, breathing in my hair, cherishing my scent.

"Don't be angry with me," He murmured, attempting to dazzle me with his smoldering golden eyes.

"It's difficult to stay mad at someone like you," I said bitterly, flashing him a sarcastic smile.

He gave me his infamous crooked grin, pulling me into his arms.

"I'm going hunting tonight. I'll come back around midnight. You don't have to stay up for me." I suddenly felt terrible and immature for the way I treated him. He was so selfless, compared to me, always taking my health into account.

_He only has my best interest in mind,_ I kept saying to myself.

"See you later, I'll miss you." He placed his lips on mine softly, causing me to swoon. My breath got caught in my throat as my mind began to soar, his sweet, sandalwood-like scent made me feel faint and giddy.

My silly teenage hormones set into effect. I laced my fingers through his hair, pressing my lips to his, not willing to let him go.

Edward attempted to pull away, but I followed his lips with mine as he tried to break away.

I heard the door swing open and a disapproving groan gurgled in back of me.

Edward gave me a disgruntled look, as if to say _'it's all your fault.'_

My face burned as I attempted to cover it with my hair, ducking my head in embarrassment.

"Good evening Chief Swan," Edward said politely, "Just returning your daughter for the night."

Charlie stared him down with his arms crossed and his face purple. Edward returned this gesture with a peaceful smile.

"Well," Edward began, breaking the awkward silence, "I should leave. Goodbye, Bella," He said in a soft tone, kissing my forehead.

"What's the rush? Got a hot date?" My dad grumbled. I rolled my eyes and gave him a sharp look.

"My family and I are actually going out to dinner. We have reservations," He lied smoothly. I held back a smile as he winked discreetly at me, as if it was some kind of an inside joke. Well, technically, I guess it _was _an inside joke.

"Oh really? Where you guys going?" Charlie looked genuinely interested, since he ate in every diner within a 50-mile radius of Forks. Of course, he didn't understand how his question made both Edward and me uncomfortable.

"Uhm. Outback Steakhouse. In Seattle," He answered coyly.

"Ah, you like that steak?"

"Sure," Edward smiled.

Another awkward silence fell upon us as I looked nervously between the two. Charlie was still eyeing Edward carefully, as he gave Charlie an uneasy smile in return.

I spoke up quickly, trying to save Edward from my father's wrath and nonsense questions. "I don't want to keep your family waiting. You _do _have reservations, after all."

"Right," He laughed nervously. He turned his attention to me, taking my hand in his, kissing my fingers softly.

"Guess I'll see you later," He smiled, dazzling me with his eyes.

"O-Okay," I said breathlessly. He nodded once to my father, addressing him as Chief Swan, before going to his car. He waved to me once more through the windshield and sped off, as I watched in awe.

"That man always has you dumbstruck," Charlie groused, making his way through the door.

I choked on a laugh, blushing furiously, and followed him into the kitchen.

It was definitely going to be a very long and monotonous evening without Edward.

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><p>So what do you think? Silly Edward.<p>

Please review!

Lemons next chapter. (:

Thank you for reading.


	2. Just Lose It

Hey, remember me? Yeah, I just graduated and a whole bunch of other fun stuff so I haven't been able to write.

So this story is probably going to take a somewhat different path, but I guess you all have to find out. (:

Anyways, must I remind you that this is rated M for a reason? LEMONS! SAUCY SAUCY.

Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I just like to play with the characters.

Hope you like it! (:

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: <strong>Just Lose It

~Bella's POV~**  
><strong>

I was already bored with myself and it was only seven o'clock. Nothing sounded particularly appealing to me at the time. I thought about reading, but my attention span decided to give out a page after I started.

Chores were currently occupying my time. I folded clothes, both Charlie's and mine – underwear, sweaters, jeans, vests, jackets, shirts, etc. As you could have guessed, I wasn't very amused.

When I was done with that I decided it was time for a change of pace; the dishes.

I scrubbed the burnt lasagna from the tray, gagging every once in awhile. Old food isn't something I particularly love, and quite frankly, it makes me a little nauseous. I decided it would be best to let the tray soak, so I filled it up with hot soapy water.

I swung my body around to set the tray on the counter. The tray immediately slipped through my hands and onto the floor, spilling a load of hot soapy water onto the kitchen floor with a loud clang.

"_Shit," _I mumbled under my breath.

"You alright Bells?" My dad hollered from the front room, not bothering to turn his head from the current baseball game.

"Yeah, I'm still in one piece." I spoke too soon, though, as I walked over to grab a towel off the table, I slipped and plummeted to the hard tile floor, my backside soaking up the soapy puddle.

I rolled my eyes, _so typical of myself. _I stood carefully, trying not to slip and fall a second time. My whole back was doused in icky dishwater, bubbles stuck to my butt, popping and reforming. I was sure glad Edward wasn't present at this moment. I was embarrassed to be in my very presence.

"You still alive in there?" Charlie yelled.

"Yeah…" I said, unconvincingly.

After my little accident, I thought it was best to just hang out in my room where I couldn't do much damage.

I sat and browsed the internet, trying to find a way to make time go by faster.

It was finally 10:30 – only another hour and a half to go. I sat in my bed staring at the ceiling with my ipod on, humming to a familiar tunes. I glanced at the window every few minutes, hoping to see my vampire lover gazing back at me, pleading me to let him in.

I wondered what Edward told me earlier was true; does he want me? I couldn't fathom why a man such as himself would want such a plain girl like me. A pang of agony ripped through me as I wished I deserved him, I wanted to be worth his love.

I shook the thought from my head. _Edward would murder me for having such thoughts. _Haha, _murder_ me.

My thoughts began to wander off into the distance as I imagined how our wedding night might be. Edward once told me he was worried he wasn't going to be what I thought he was in bed, and to not get my hopes up. For some reason, I had a gut feeling that he was completely wrong.

He was good at _everything _it seemed, so why not sex? He sure _looked _like a sex god, for Christ's sake…

I imagined his soft feathery kisses along my body, caressing every inch of my skin. His touch was like magic as he murmured _exactly _what he wanted to do to me in my ear.

Unknowingly, my hand moved down my stomach, my abdomen, and to my soaked center between my legs.

I pictured his long delicate fingers sliding in and out of my tender opening, teasing my clit with his thumb. I pressed myself into my hand, becoming overwhelmed with pleasure.

I suddenly heard my window creak open and then close, a dripping wet Edward appeared in the corner of my room. I immediately blushed, pulling the covers over my body and clutching them tightly in my sweaty palms.

"We were done early tonight, I had to fight them to leave but – " He stopped midway to my bed, his eyes turning twelve different shades of dark ember, before settling on an almost onyx tone. He closed his eyes, and took a prolonged breath through his nose, his nostrils flaring. For a second I thought he might stumble and fall; his legs were shaking violently.

When his eyes opened they were deep black pits as if he hasn't hunted in two weeks. A savage grin formed across his face as he took a slow, predatory step toward my bed.

"I-I… thought… you were coming… at midnight," I choked out. For a second I thought I was possibly off the hook, but I should have known better. Of course he knew what I had been doing! I blushed furiously at this thought.

He dismissed my blabbering, and instead made his way towards the bed, crouching at the side, looking into my eyes.

He swallowed painfully before taking another long breath, holding it in and letting it out leisurely.

"How wonderfulyou smell tonight. How _delectable," _He rasped, licking his lips.

My heartbeat felt irregular; I could hear it pounding inside of my chest, a thousand miles per hour. My breath was uneven and erratic, short spurts of air bubbling up my throat as I stared into Edward's lustful eyes.

"What have you been doing, my love?" He said, putting a strand of hair behind my ear, still kneeling next to my bed on the floor.

"I – I –" He flashed his teeth in a large, sinful grin, obviously amused by my blubbering.

He moved quickly, pulling himself on top of me in a fraction of a second. Our faces were now inches apart, his scent hypnotizing me as he exhaled his cool breath.

"Tell me, Bella, what have you been doing that has you smelling so delightful?" he said, beginning to kiss down my neck, taking a deep breath at my artery, letting out a pained groan. He lowered his body on mine in a bold move, and for the first time, through the thin sheet that covered me, I felt his wanton need.

Electricity shot out of my body as he pressed himself onto me. My whole body felt like it was on fire, my skin was burning with need.

He pulled himself away with a devious grin plastered on his face. His eyes roamed down my body as his cold hand settled on my neck, pressing his fingers softly on my pulse.

"Now Bella," He breathed, staring hungrily at my lips, "If you're not going to tell me what you've been doing, show me."

Did he just ask me to…? "Wha-… I…"

He quickly moved to the side of the room, to the shadows, in which I could barely see him.

"Bella…" He groaned with unease, stepping into the filtered moonlight.

I saw a different man in his eyes, perhaps the one he's kept so secret, so far from me. I was slightly frightened by his new persona, but mostly intrigued.

He grinned. "If I'm going to marry you, I thought it's appropriate that I had a right to know what you do in your…free time," He said in a low, raspy voice, pulling the covers from my body.

I could hardly breath by this point. Edward moved swiftly to the side of my bed once more, kneeling and caressing my cheek with his hand.

"Maybe I can help you get started," He said, kissing me passionately, parting my lips with his own and teasing my tongue with his. I let out a slight moan, encouraging him to deepen the kiss. He did so, lacing his fingers through the back of my hair, letting out a pained and control groan.

He didn't stop, though, it was like something broke inside of him, some kind of barrier. My whole body was buzzing, every atom under my skin vibrating, my blood boiling. I knew my reactions where only fueling Edward's lust. I knew we should be stopping, but I couldn't. I knew I should be scared, worried that he might lose control, but I didn't care.

His hand moved slowly down my shoulder without breaking the kiss, and down my arm. He laced his fingers with mine, beginning to ravish my neck with wet kisses, moving my hand down my abdomen.

He was now looking at my face, gauging my every reaction, but I was far from a coherent thought. I was floating.

I obliged as he lead our hands under my panties, to my drenched sex. He sighed as my fingers sunk into my wet folds, his hand resting ontop of mine, feeling my every movement.

I began to get lost in the sensation, my hips circling as he pressed my fingers into me with his.

He stopped for a fraction of a second, rustling with his other hand. I was beyond all rational thinking, hardly remember my whereabouts as I looked into his coal eyes.

Pleasure covered his features as he moaned, his breath ragged.

His other arm caught my attention; his pants were open, his fist tightly gripping his swollen cock.

I gasped and moaned, hardly able to keep still or quiet, causing him to pump faster.

He stopped suddenly, and was gone from my sight, freed from his touch. I felt empty, and completely alone and vulnerable.

"Sorry…" He mumbled with a sheepish grin, stepping out from the dark corner, his erection prominent.

"Please, carry on," He begged. I moved my hand back down to my aching center, teasing myself with my fingers.

He watched my hand move under my panties, his eyes heavy with lust. His hand began to move up and down his length once more.

He leaned against the wall and groaned, moving faster, still staring at every move I made.

"Don't stop," He demanded in a dark voice. I watched as his strokes became violent, his other hand clenched in a tight fist.

Heat filled my loins as pleasure took over. I bit my lip in a feeble attempt to keep quiet, watching Edward's head fall back as he growled, biting his lip. His legs began to give out as he fought for balance, leaning against the wall.

His knees buckled as his back slid against the wall, letting out a menacing growl. Liquid spewed from the tip of his cock as my own climax began to take me over.

I bucked my hips into my hand roughly as I said his name, moaning throughout my release, arching my back.

I was in complete tranquility, trying to get a rasp on reality until Edward threw a thick blanket over my body.

"Charlie," He whispered hoarsely, disappearing.

I heard a knock before the door opened.

"You alright in there Bells? I thought I heard someone," he said, peering into my room. My heart was pounding out of my chest as my face flushed.

"Yeah, Um… I was just sleeping. You woke me up," my voice cracked as I lied horribly. Charlie eyed me suspiciously, taking a quick look around the room.

"Alright," He groaned, "See you tomorrow."

"Night, Dad," I said as he closed the door. A few seconds later Edward was back at my side with a wide smile spread across his face.

"That was extremely close," He said, lying leisurely on the bed next to me.

I turned on my side to face him, "Did we really just…?"

"I believe so. Now please sleep, love. I've kept you up too long. We'll talk in the morning."

I curled up in my covers as Edward sat across the room, his last words ringing through my ears. He was angry. I knew it. We went too far.

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><p>So... what do you think? Please review! Thank you everyone for reading. xoxxox<p> 


	3. The Devil and Me

Hey! So I changed my username to Fang-Fiend. Thought it suited me a bit better. Plus, I'm in that True Blood & Vampire Diaries hype right now.

This story is probably going to take a new, more exciting route! Woop. (:

Rated M for lemons, language, and the works.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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><p><strong>Chapter 3:<strong> The Devil and Me

-Edward's POV-

Bella drifted off to sleep without haste as I watched, listening to her heartbeat from across the room.

The smell lingered. It hung like a cloud of fog in the small-enclosed space, making me dizzy with lust and hunger. I looked, panicking, at the closed window, wishing it would magically open and save me from this temptation. I knew I needed to leave. I was going insane.

I watched her chest rise and fall with each breath, bathing in the scent of her arousal for another antagonizing hour, just to be sure she fell into a deep sleep before I left.

I ran through the woods in no particular direction, just as far away from Bella as possible. I couldn't be anywhere near her. I couldn't _stand _it at the moment, without ravishing her. Or worse.

I settled underneath an alpine, seeking some kind of refuge in my own mind, sitting on the moistened ground.

My thoughts were out of control, swimming with profane ideas; wanting to touch her, lick her, _bite _her. I tried desperately to shake the thought out of my mind. Of all the things I wanted to do most, why must it be _that? _

I stopped, mentally exhausting myself with useless thoughts. I knew _why_ I wanted to bite her. I grew aroused thinking of her pulsing neck, the artery just below the thin layer of skin. And I still _smelt _like her. My clothes, my hair, it _reeked_ of Bella.

I couldn't take it. The beast rattled at it's cage, snarling, tempting me with vulgar thoughts.

_I'm alone_, I thought, _away from endangering anyone_.

I pulled and fumbled at the button on my pants as fast as I can, antsy to let the animalistic side of me take over.

I freed myself from my jeans, not thinking twice before grabbing my arousal. I groaned, welcoming the dirty thoughts that formed in my head, spilling from my imagination.

Words could not describe the wanton need I had for her – to own her – make her mine.

Intense pleasure began to pulse through me as the images flashed through my mind without any control.

_Bella on the ground in the woods as I fucked her senselessly, pinning her to the forest floor as I bit her neck, feeding on her. Pushing her against the lockers at school during break and ravishing her, eating her out on my bed before I drank from her femoral artery. _

I was overcome by the monster that fueled my bloodlust. I let him take over, surrendering myself to the evil that dwelled inside of me.

My climax hit me harder than any train as my other hand dug into the earth, my legs convulsing as I pumped the white fluid out of me with loud groans.

I laid myself against the tree, feeling completely spent as my blood thirsty urges finally began to dissipate.

My breath became even once again and I stood, pulling up my pants and brushing myself off.

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><p>It was four in the morning before I got back to my house. The lights were beaming out from the window as I walked through the back door.<p>

"Eddy! Look who decided to leave his lady friend!" Emmett boomed, racing down the stairs and embracing me in a one-armed bear hug.

"Jesus, you smell like you've been…" Emmett stopped short, observing me carefully, before his eyes grew wide.

"Is my little bro finally a man?" His face lit up, squeezing me in another one-armed brotherly hug.

I shrugged away from him. "I'm not in the mood for this, Emmett."

"Guess not…" Emmett mumbled as I walked up the stairs to my room.

Just before I reached the door to my room Alice decided to pop up in front of me, a menacing smile on her face.

"Dammit, Alice," I growled, pushing passed her. "Can't I just be alone for five minutes without anyone trying to invade my privacy?"

"Well that's not a great way to treat your favorite sister. Plus, didn't you have enough 'alone time' in the woods just before you arrived?" She smiled mischievously.

"Oh god… You saw me…" I sat down in complete mortification, squeezing my eyes shut and pinching the bridge of my nose.

"I wasn't trying to invade your privacy – "

"Alice, please, just stop talking," I groaned.

_ I was just making sure you were all right… I knew your mind was a little twisted after what happened with Bella… _

"About that; why didn't you warn me? I almost _killed _her," Saying the words out loud only made it more real.

"It happened so fast. It's not like you were _planning_ it," she groused. "Don't blame me for this, Edward. We all knew something like this was bound to occur. Everyone knows what happens to a vampire that suppresses sexual feelings for their significant other, and you should be grateful it didn't turn out worse, cause next time _she _might not be too lucky." She huffed and crossed her arms across her chest.

"I know, Alice. I wasn't blaming you for anything," I sighed. "I scared myself. I had barely any control over what I was doing. I wanted to kill her." Animosity towards myself built as I said the truth aloud.

"But you didn't, Edward. She's still alive because you _did _maintain some kind of control. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

"Easier said than done," I said, slumping onto the futon.

Carlisle appeared in the doorway. "I heard what happened, Edward. We need to talk about this."

I groaned. "Is there anyone that doesn't know? Can everyone stop eavesdropping on my life, please?"

Alice playfully smacked my arm. "Come on, you've been living with us for centuries. You should be used to this by now."

Carlisle shot me a stern look. "I'll see you in the dining room in five minutes."

"WHAT?" I bellowed, standing up. "Now _that _is completely unnecessary, Carlisle." What was he thinking? Having the 'birds and the bees' talk with a vampire over a century old?

_It's very necessary. _"You're putting Bella in danger," he countered.

I scoffed, rolling my eyes, "Well I've been doing that for a pretty long time now."

Carlisle searched my face, then sighed, defeated. "Fine, Edward. You know more well than I how much danger you're putting her in. I just don't want to see you make the wrong decision." He placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it slightly. _You're the one that will have to live with those decisions. I don't want to see you in pain, son. _

Of course, he was right. I knew what I _should_ be doing – sitting at the old table in the dining room and talk about the dangers of my new sexual appetite. And how to control them.

My phone buzzed in my pocket.

_Bella: _Where are you?

"Shit!" I cursed, looking at the time. It was already nine-thirty in the morning.

_Hunting. _I typed quickly. _Will be there in an hour. Love you. _

_ "_I have to run," I said, stuffing my phone in my pocket and making my way up the stairs to my room.

"We'll talk about this later, Edward," Carlisle hollered after me.

I quickly threw on some clean clothes and jumped out the window. I was immediately assaulted with the scent of nature's bounty – the wildlife that fueled my immortal body. The familiar fiery burn in the back of my throat ignited and my muscles tensed as I swallowed back a mouthful of venom.

I stood in back of the house, taking a deep breath, gauging my surroundings.

"Mind if I come along with you?" Emmett asked, suddenly beside me.

"You can if you want, but I'm not coming home. It's going to be fast – I'm on my way to Bella's." I looked over at him whose eyes were hopeful and pleading.

He shrugged. "I don't mind."

I smiled. "Let's go then."

It didn't take us long to find ourselves a good morning meal. I sat under an alpine on a large boulder, waiting for Emmett.

He came into view with a wide smile. "So why did you need to go hunting? We just went yesterday." He knew exactly why I needed to feed, he just wanted me to say it out loud.

I rolled my eyes, "Why did _you_ come if you weren't hungry?"

"To make fun of my little bro. Why else would I?" He shrugged, smirking. Always so straightforward.

I groaned looking at my phone. I still had time to kill.

"Alright, fine. Might as well get this over with. Go ahead," I said, motioning with my hand, "Start the ridicule."

He laughed. "Awh, don't be _that _easy." _Bet Bella has never seen you this easy before. _

I couldn't help but laugh a little at his innuendo.

"But seriously, Edward. I know how uptight you are about the subject, but you really need to listen to some of our advice before you do something you'll really regret."

I looked down at my hands and fumbled with my fingers nervously.

I took a deep breath, nodding my head. "I do, I need help," I said, defeated.

"I just want her so bad… it literally hurts. Every time I get intimate with her… every time things start to get heated I just want to…" I stopped, searching for the right word, "_devour_ her."

I heard the panic resonate in my own voice – the part of me that feared the worst for my mate. I've come to terms with wanting to drink her blood. I knew that no matter how hard I tried to suppress the urges, the hunger, that there would always be a part of me that wanted to drain every last drop Bella's body had to offer. No, it wasn't _that_ which I was worried about – I have that completely under control – It was the mere fact that my body now hungered for something completely different, something I have no experience controlling since I never _had _to.

"That's completely natural, Edward." He said, patting me on the shoulder.

"I know it's normal! I just don't know how to _control _this. I'm going to hurt her, I know it. I _want _to hurt her. Ugh, I make myself sick." I was disgusted at my thoughts, at my nature, at myself.

Emmett's faced softened as his mind became sympathetic.

"You just need to practice, take baby steps. Remember when you thought you would _definitely _kill Bella? That obviously never happened – "

"Yet," I added.

Emmett frowned, scorning me. "Like I was saying… You took time with her, and you eventually got used to her scent. You've been with your singer for over two years and haven't drunk from her. You should get a medal for that."

I smiled, a bit annoyed. "So your point?"

He rolled his eyes. _So much for the mind reader. _"My point, Eddy, is that you have to stop _pretending _like you're never going to have sex with Bella, because you will, and while she's still human. You have to face reality; if you don't satisfy these other 'hungers', you'll most likely be having an impromptu fucking session _before_ the marriage and who knows if Bella will make it out alive."

I let this information seep in. I could just see it now; the blood, the tears, and my lifeless bride.

"Shit, you're right," I said, digging my nails through my tousled hair. "What do you suppose I do?" I pleaded.

_Practice. _He thought in an instant.

I shook my head, fearful. "I don't think it's that simple, Emmett."

"You're just psyching yourself out. Try going a bit further then stop. It's not too difficult. You'd be surprised what you could accomplish." He smiled.

I shook my head, still wary.

"Well, it's either that or eating Bella. Your choice." He shrugged.

_Better get back to Rose now, we have a hot date planned. _He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Hasta La Vista!" And he was gone.

* * *

><p>Bella was in the kitchen cutting some fresh strawberries as I quietly slipped through the front door. I could hear her heart beating steadily inside the room, unaware of the potential danger.<p>

I stood in the doorway behind her, basking in her scent. Her hair was still wet from her morning shower and brushed to one side, showing the crook of her pulsing neck.

Her tantalizing blood, the soft rhythm of her heart, hypnotized me. I walked slowly up behind her, gauging each step carefully to ensure that it was silent.

A board creaked annoyingly under my foot, causing Bella to jump and turn around, still grasping the butcher knife tightly in her hand.

"Holy crap!" She sighed, after her heart skipped a few beats. "You have to stop creeping up on me like that!"

Trying not to laugh, I took the knife from her hand and placed it on the counter behind her.

"Awh! But it's so much fun scaring you," I smiled, embracing her in a sweet kiss.

My body immediately reacted when our lips touched in the purest fashion. I tensed as venom filled my mouth and my teeth tingled, longing for blood.

I stepped back, taking an unneeded breath, releasing her.

"How was your morning, my love?" I asked smoothly, taking another step back giving myself some much needed space.

"Would have been better if you were here," She smiled, looking over her shoulder. My heart swelled at her remark, and I instantly felt remorse for leaving.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her hair, breathing in her floral scent.

I suppose luck wasn't on my side, or perhaps I jinxed myself.

_One stroke of the knife. _ I kept thinking, paranoid, watching the butcher knife slice through the skin of the strawberry and into it's flesh, barely missing Bella's fragile finger.

It was as if God was waiting for the perfect moment to punish me for my ill biddings in the past, for the monster of the night I used to be.

The knife missed the strawberry by a fraction of an inch and punctured through her skin. She jumped back, squealing in surprise and fright.

I took a few steps back and held my breath at once.

_I won't hurt her. I just fed. I'm not hungry. _ I repeated to myself.

She turned around and held up her finger. "Just a tiny cut," she shrugged. I watched, mesmerized as the tiny bubble of blood on the tip of her finger grew in size. She put her finger up to her mouth and sucked the blood off.

She caught my gaze and raised an eyebrow. "You alright?"

I shook myself out of the trance. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

She turned around once again and began to cut an apple.

"I'm making fruit salad for Charlie. I'm trying to get him to eat better," she snorted. I laughed, letting out the stale air.

"Oh shoot," She whined. I stopped in my tracks, smelling her blood fill the air once more.

"My cut started to bleed again," she pouted. She started for the stairs before I stopped her, grabbing onto her arm.

"What are you doing?" She asked me, eyeing my suspiciously.

"Uhm…" I thought. What _was_ I doing? I took her injured hand in mine, observing the small cut with the miniscule amount of vital fluid peering out.

Before I fully thought out my statement or my plan of action I blurted out, "May I help…?" Holding her hand to my face.

Her eyebrows furrowed, confused. "The Band-Aids are upstairs. I was going to get one." She tried to pull her hand away but I did not relent.

I laughed nervously. _Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. _

"No, I mean _I _could help. My venom. It will heal you," I said, licking my lips. I was going nuts.

"Oh… but doesn't it bother you?"

_It does, greatly. _"Not anymore," I lied, taking her hand to my mouth. Instead of licking the cut, which is what I'm supposed to do, I enclosed the tip of her finger with my lips.

I groaned immediately, tasting her skin and fresh blood. Pure heaven. She attempted to pull away, but couldn't move in my strong hold.

I closed my eyes as the tiniest bit of her delicious life fluid rolled down my parched throat. In that moment I became crazed with bloodlust. I could feel my eyes changing to a deep demonic black, my teeth stinging with anticipation.

My teeth were inches away from her wrist, venom pooling in my mouth and dribbling down my jaw.

I stopped, trying to maintain some kind of composure.

I licked her cut clean and released her in an instant, pushing myself away from the immediate temptation.

I stumbled backwards, struggling to keep myself standing, drunk from my own appetence.

"I… I'm so sorry, Bella…"

* * *

><p>So... What do you think? Please review! Reviews = writing fuel &amp; happy author!<p> 


	4. Cross My Heart

Hey guys! Thank you for reading my silly little story! Probably going OOC a bit in my story so don't kill me!

Looking for a Beta/editor for my story. Please message me if interested!

Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight, no copyright infringement intended.

Rated M for language, sexual content, dark subject matter, and all that fun stuff.

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><p><strong>Chapter 4:<strong> Cross My Heart

~Bella's POV~

June 8th, 2008

It all happened so fast I hardly had time to comprehend anything. I stood there, frozen in my tracks. I wasn't necessarily scared _of _Edward, but scared _for _him. I knew he had his 'Dracula' moments every once in a blue moon - since he's a vampire after all - but he seems to take it to the next level when it comes to self-hatred, especially after something _like this. _

"Bella!" He cried, falling to his knees. "I'm sorry… I wasn't thinking…" He stuffed his face into the palms of his hands and crouched over, sulking.

I trusted my first instinct and darted towards him, ready to lock him in my human arms. He immediately jumped up with vampire speed and gripped both of my shoulders. He held me at arm's length, keeping me distant.

"Bella…" He groaned, his jaw clenched in acute restraint.

I was shocked at what I saw in the man I was about to marry; someone I've never seen before. His eyes were _completely_ black, and settled in the middle of his hallowed, hungry eyes. His face was strained with every ounce of self-control he had left (if there was much at all); his eyebrows furrowed. Even at his worst, I've _never _seen him like this.

"Your eyes… I've never seen them this…dark before." My voice rattled in my chest. I felt my blood boiling and my heart pumping out of my skin. I knew he noticed my spontaneous human reactions, and I tried everything I could to make it stop, but sadly, I felt I made it worse.

He closed his eyes and took an uneasy breath, looking away; the force of his grip was getting stronger as his arms shook to maintain control.

"I feel… unstable," He answered in a deep, disturbed tone.

"Well that's obvious," I said, stepping out of his now-somewhat-painful grip and crossing my arms over my chest.

His crazed eyes raked over my body as an unfamiliar smile formed across his face. My stomach fell, my heart faltered. For a second, every ounce of trust I had in him melted, and I felt the uncanny need to run.

I stopped myself. This was my _fiancée_, for Christ's sake! I took a deep breath, attempting to ground myself. I closed my eyes and cleared my throat.

"So what has made you unstable?" My voice squeaked.

Honestly, I was scared of what the answer might me. His eyes weren't _red_… but of course, his eyes are _always_ black if he's hungry regardless if his recent meal has been human or animal.

His features softened as he sighed. "I've been meaning to have this talk with you for awhile… we're somewhat pushed into it, now."

I gulped. "Talk about what?" I said, straightening my back, trying to seem courageous in front of an obviously thirsty vampire.

"_This_," He said, motioning to himself.

I tapped my foot against the floor and groaned. "Ugh, please don't be so vague, Edward," I took a few steps towards him, ready to lock him in an embrace, but was disappointed when he backed away.

I huffed in frustration.

"Please, Bella… Stay away from me." His words burned a hole right through my heart as I choked down a breath. He backed up a little more and clenched his fists, his face in a brooding scowl.

At first I was a bit heartbroken, then confused, and then annoyed at the deafening silence that filled the air between us.

"Alright, Edward. You're telling me _exactly _what's wrong with you. Our wedding is coming up fast – "

"Two months and five days."

"Yeah, anyways… it's coming up fast and this - whatever it is - better not screw it up!"

Edward frowned, looking down at his shoes like a little boy who just got scorned at school. It was a little _too_ adorable.

"Awh, Edward, you know what I meant…" I said, moving towards him once more. This time, he didn't move away. No, instead he rushed towards me, startling me, grabbing onto my shoulders and piercing me with a murderous stare.

"Bella!" He growled, giving me a gentle shake. "If there is one time to actually _listen _to me, this would be it!"

He released me and quickly moved back to the other side of the room, far away from me, grimacing.

"Edward, why are you acting like this?" I was close to tears at this point. I was shocked. Confused. Worried.

He shot me a chilling stare. "I'm _hungry, _Bella. More so than I've been in over 100 years. It's driving me insane!"

"I thought you were over my blood?" I whispered.

"Over _your _blood?" He chuckled. "I _knew _this would happen, but did it anyway. All I wanted was a taste. Temptation got the best of me," he grimaced.

"But you hunted just a few –"

"Yes! I know!" He shouted, running his fingers through his hair. "Perhaps there's something wrong with me…" He began to pace back in forth in the kitchen, mumbling what could possibly be 'defective' or 'faulty' with him.

I stopped him, the constant back-and-forth movement made me erratic. He looked up at me and sighed, giving me a half-smile.

"Well that's good," I said, seeing that he's calming down, giving him a soft smile.

"What is?" He asked, pure curiosity plastered on his face.

I stroked his cheek with my hand slowly, cautiously. "Your eyes are back to normal."

"They're gold?" He said, looking hopeful.

I shook my head. "Still black, but not _fully _black."

He frowned and his shoulders slumped.

Silence fell between us as I stroked his cheek tenderly, amazed by his perfect features. I outlined his swollen, red eyes with my thumb, tracing around the deep purple pools that seemed to swallow his sockets.

"I need blood," He said simply, in almost a groan, breaking the silence.

I stepped back, lacing his hands with mine.

"Then go hunt. I'll be here waiting." He nodded his head slowly, his back still hunched.

He gave me a hopeless smile. "I know I say this too much, but I hate when you see me like this." He shook his head, looking to the floor.

"Edward, whatever this is, we'll get through it. I'll be right by your side, always. Don't be afraid that you'll scare me away, 'cause I don't think anything will, at this point."

He rolled his eyes and let out a half-hearted laugh, embracing me in a stiff and controlled hug.

"You're an amazing creature, Isabella Marie Swan." He let me go after a quick peck on the forehead and made his way to the door using a slow human pace.

"I'll be back in a few hours, love. Sorry for ruining your day."

I rolled my eyes. "No, you didn't 'ruin' my day. See you," I said, blowing a kiss.

He smiled and was out the door.

I went back into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, taking out a bag or oranges and grapes.

I began to wonder why Edward was being so jumpy, so borderline today. My mind raced with possible scenarios.

_I still don't know if he killed someone. _I thought. Uneasiness and aversion grew inside of me as I thought of the poor innocent victim. Or victims.

_It has to be that,_ I thought. _There's no other reason why he's acting so blood-thirsty. _

Then, it dawned on me: _Last night. _

Could that do it?

I ran to the front door and fumbled with the doorknob. I raced outside into the moist, cold air.

I yelled out his name, searching for a face in the trees.

Nothing.

I tried again, yelling his name at the top of my lungs.

"Bella?" I heard a calming voice beside me. I jumped, my heart skipping a thousand beats.

"Dammit! Second time today you've snuck up on me!"

"Oh, sorry," He pouted. "What did you need?"

I looked at him suspiciously. "Does this have anything to do with what happened last night?"

His face was unreadable as he thought out his answer.

"We'll talk about it later, love," He promised, kissing my hand and disappearing.

* * *

><p>I was walking through the woods during nightfall, a slight drizzle falling into my hair. I exhaled my warm breath into the cold air, watching the fog move on the horizon.<p>

I walked further into the forest as darkness began to fill every crevice, listening to the shushed hum of crickets and frogs.

As I stepped, my foot caught onto a large root under an alpine, causing me to stumble over. I gasped as I hit the moist forest floor, slicing my hand on a sharp rock.

I shook my head, sitting up, assessing the injuries. Of _course _this would happen to me. At night. In a forest. _Alone. _

I stood, brushing myself off, scorning myself for being so damn clumsy.

It was dark.

The soft glow of the moon was the only thing keeping me from accidentally falling off a cliff, or worse.

The cool breeze soon became chilling as my teeth rattled. My heart began to accelerate as I took in my surroundings.

_Do I even know where I am? _I began to panic, searching around me, the ground spinning. Every tree looked the same as the last – every rock the same as the other. I began to run; trees become a blur with the bushes and the boulders against the dark night sky.

I heard a sudden loud thump, causing my feet to freeze to the solid ground. My breath became short as I heard another loud thud. I choked, feeling my blood turn cold as dread filled every limb.

Something propelled me to move closer to the noise, the constant rustling of leaves among other ambiguous sounds.

I moved through brush that brought me into a small clearing, where Edward sat, hunched over a human body feeding recklessly.

"E - Edward?" His head shot up, the same morbid black eyes and empty, blood-thirsty expression painted across his face as before. Blood dripped in large droops off his chin and bottom lip as he looked at me with frenzied eyes, revealing a very dead Jessica Stanley in a pool of her own blood.

I screeched, jumping back and covering my mouth, letting out an open sob.

He growled, standing up slowly, his eyes not straying from mine.

"You smell delicious," He hissed, launching himself towards me and pushing me to the ground in a blur.

I attempted to push him off, clawing at his shirt and pounding on his chest with my fragile hands.

"Edward! Please, no!" I screamed, flailing, attempting to fight back as he bared his bloodied teeth.

I shrieked, squeezing my eyes close, waiting for the pain.

"Just a taste," He whispered in my ear, his breath a cold chill.

I jumped up, my head throbbing. I groaned, looking at the covers before me and closing my eyes, putting the pillow over my head.

"Sorry. You were talking in your sleep again. You got pretty worked up," a soft, velvet voice rang through my ears.

I took the pillow off of my face to find honey-golden eyes gazing back at me.

"Yeah…" I murmured, putting my palm to my forehead and sitting up.

Edward now looked at me, concerned. "You were having a bad dream."

I nodded at his statement, stretching and yawning.

"You said my name…" He shook his head, perplexed. _Shit. _What else did he hear?

"Yes, you were in my dream," I nodded, trying desperately not to give anything away with my ever-so-annoying human tendencies.

"So how long did I sleep?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

He sighed, giving me a leery smile. "I got here about an hour ago and you were completely out. I didn't want to wake you," He shrugged.

"Do you feel better?" I asked, assessing him.

He gave me a wide smile, making me melt inside. "Much."

He definitely _looked _better. His eyes were back to the deep topaz I've always adored, his skin glowing a slight undertone of pink. It was a relief to see him back to 'normal'…whatever that means.

I gave out a big, gaping yawn, stretching my arms wide above my head.

"Looks like I've kept you up too late last night. Have to remember that for next time." My heart skipped a beat as I looked at the vampire with the crooked smile before me. I gasped, realizing what he just said. _Next time. _I blushed furiously, making him laugh.

"We'll talk over dinner?" He asked, standing and lending me his hand. I nodded, biting my lip, still blushing.

* * *

><p>When I began preparing my meal Edward hovered over me like a hawk, following me to every corner of the kitchen. I mentally rolled my eyes at this, knowing that his overprotective nature has probably reached new levels since this morning. He <em>insisted <em>that he should cut the tomato, although I'm very well capable of doing it myself, and probably better.

"I need to practice. I don't plan on having _you_ cook all your meals during our honeymoon," He would say with a quirky smile.

But I knew better. It was obvious he wasn't letting me get anywhere close to anything sharp, anything that might cut me open.

He took a large tomato and set it on the counter, turning it in every direction, trying to find the best place to cut. His eyebrows furrowed as it rolled back on the previous side. I bit back a laugh.

"Here, let me get you a knife." I didn't even have to take a half a step before he stopped me.

"No, I got it," He said, grabbing a large butcher knife in a blur.

He steadied the tomato with one hand and took the butcher knife in the other, preparing to slice.

"Wait, you need a cutting board," I said, handing him one out of the sink. He smiled sheepishly and nodded.

He looked at me and smiled before he attempted his first slice.

It's not hard for me to describe a _disaster_, since that's exactly what it was.

The tomato, well, it didn't make it out alive, sadly. The seeds and pulp were everywhere on the counter, on the stove, on the microwave, on Edward.

He stood there, astounded, covered in an annihilated tomato, still holding the butcher knife.

"I don't think this knife is sharp enough," He turned to me and said, shrugging.

I rolled my eyes. "Sure," taking the knife as he reluctantly let it out of his hands.

I began to clean up the mess using a paper towel before I heard Edward curse underneath his breath.

"What?" I asked, facing him.

"Another vampire casualty," he said, holding up only half of the now broken cutting board, shrugging apologetically.

My mouth fell agape. "You broke my cutting board?"

He shrugged again. "Guess so. I didn't think I was using that much force, either," He shook his head, astounded, tossing the remnants of the cutting board into the trash under the sink.

"I'll buy you a new one," He said, moving towards me and wrapping his arms around my waist. He gently moved my hair, revealing the crook of my neck, and smiled. I could feel my face growing red ass he ogled my neck with no disgrace, lightly tracing down my neck with a feathery touch.

He pulled back. "Since I made a mess of dinner I think it's only fair that I order you pizza," he stated, pulling out his cell phone.

I felt my eyebrows pull together. "Since when do vampires have pizza parlor numbers?"

Edward looked at me, incredulous, and began to laugh boisterously.

"Didn't you know? We order pizza every Thursday." He bit back laughter, raising his eyebrows.

"Right," I said, rolling my eyes at the apparent banter.

It only took thirty minutes and I was eating the best pizza delivery Forks had to offer. I lounged on the front sofa snuggled against Edward, eating Hawaiian pizza and flipping through the television, trying to find something at least half decent to watch.

Edward stopped me, took the controls out of my hands, and turned off the T.V.

"Why did you – " I stopped midsentence to find Edward staring back, dazzling me with his smoldering eyes. He reached a hand to cup my cheek and lowered his lips onto mine. My head began to swim as I breathed in his sweet scent and felt his cool lips against my tongue. He pushed my back into the couch and hovered over me, pressing his cool body to mine.

It took everything I had in me to stop what we were doing. I pushed back on his chest with as much force I could muster in that specific moment. He pulled away and sat up.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his posture radiating anxiety.

I bit my lip, scorning myself from stopping. "I must taste like pizza," I said, embarrassed.

Edward scoffed. "I really don't mind," He said, crawling back on top of me, locking his lips over mine. He laced one hand behind my head as I wrapped mine around his back. He deepened the kiss, tracing his tongue against my lip.

He seemed less guarded than usual as we kissed for several minutes, relishing the feel of his lips on mine. He suddenly grew stiff and pulled away, his eyes shut.

"We need to talk," He said in a low voice. All I could do was nod, still not able to form any words or coherent thoughts.

He sat up and I did the same, showing conspicuous restraint on the far end of the sofa. He cleared his throat, an extraneous gesture.

"Bella, as you know my self-control has began to falter," He began in a smooth conversational tone.

I nodded, waiting for some sort of explanation.

"Now, I know this might come as a surprise, but vampires happen to be very…carnal in nature." He looked away as he said this, as if it was another reason for him to downcast himself.

It took me a few seconds to realize what he was trying to communicate.

My cheeks began to burn as I raised my eyebrows. "Really?"

His eyebrows pinched together as he swallowed nervously. "Yes."

"Huh…" Honestly, it _did _come to a surprise.

"And it's gotten to the point where I feel powerless against my urges, Bella." I heard the clear panic resonate in his voice as he looked at me, pleading.

"Which is why I've given up," He looked straight forward, desperately keeping me from making eye contact.

I was astonished, abashed. "What? I don't get what you're – " He held his finger up, stopping me, willing to give me an explanation.

"I've discussed this with my family since it's been getting progressively more difficult to _not _be intimate with you. You see, when a vampire goes without blood for a long period of time, his instincts will automatically take over, overpowering his other senses - his morals - and he'll eventually kill carelessly, out of impulse. A vampire's _sexual_ desire is much like our desire for blood – instinctual, and very powerful. If it's suppressed, it won't be long until our appetite becomes first priority, and we may not be able to control our urges."

I blinked. "So…" I breathed, attempted to comprehend the large load of new information Edward threw my way.

"It gets a bit more complicated since I want to eat you, in the literal sense," He chuckled darkly.

"So your saying that basically _you're _more hormonal and 'one-track-minded' than me?"

"Uhm, sure," He said, looking towards the ground.

"I've been able to keep it relatively under control for the past two years, but lately…" He shook his head, ashamed.

"Carlisle told me a few days ago that it's prudent we practice being physical before the wedding night, so I'm not as acceptable to losing control."

I raised my eyebrows. "So the deal's off?"

He huffed, shaking his head. "I plan on consummating our relationship on our wedding night still, love," He laughed.

"_But…_" He took a deep breath, pausing, thinking of how to word what he was about to divulge next.

"I _do _think it will be safer to indulge a bit before the wedding – with boundaries, of course," He said, nodding sternly.

I nodded, still unable to believe what I was hearing. Was I in a dream? It sure didn't _feel _like a dream. I decided to pinch myself.

"Love, what are you doing?" He said, clear amusement gleaming in his eyes.

"Trying to find out if I'm dreaming." I pinched myself again, a bit harder, causing me to wince and Edward to grab my hand lightly, stopping me.

"Silly girl," He chuckled, kissing along my jaw.

I began to swoon as he kissed down my neck, settling on my collarbone before kissing me on the lips with urgency.

I gasped for air as he moved to my neck. "So no more all-or-nothing?" I choked out between heaves.

He gave me an affirming hum and nodded, kissing me deeply.

"I don't think I could _stand _waiting any longer," He murmured.

* * *

><p>So... you like? Hate? Please review! The more reviews = the faster I will update. Give me fuel to write and review! xxx<p> 


	5. Hope To Die

Sorry for the long wait, I've been really busy lately with school starting and all that fun stuff.

This is going to be a short chapter, more of a bridge, but still important!

Next will have a turning event and smuttiness. :p

I hope you like this chapter and if you don't, sorry for wasting your time!

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight blah blah blah.

Rated M.

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><p><strong>Chapter 5:<strong> Hope To Die

~Edward's POV~

I was only mildly obsessed with Bella's blood.

She sat curled into my side, watching reruns of The Simpsons on a full and content stomach. _Lucky for her to say._

My entire body was _incredibly _far from being anything close to content. My throat still burned with the wrath of a thousand torches as I discreetly ogled the tantalizing blue vein that pulsed on her neck. I nuzzled her soft brown curls with my nose, breathing in her heady scent.

It was certain that not only was I part masochist, but also part sadist. Her scent brought thrilling pain that flared through my body, but I welcomed it.

_Just one accidental nip, that's all it will take. _I took an uneasy breath, causing my body to be once again set ablaze.

Of course, Bella's blood and my sexual appetite have always gone hand-in-hand. There never seemed to be one without the other with her, unfortunately. It was the prominent reason why I've kept such definite boundaries, to not tempt what I desperately wanted. I literally had the instinctual desire to fuck her to death and keep fucking her afterwards. _And she thought I wasn't a monster. _Hah.

Don't be mistaken - I _did_ want her with violent urgency, but never had I thought it would be to this extent – to long to create bloodshed. I didn't wantto be _that _person – or vampire – the one that takes their nature to the darkest place possible.

I felt almost trapped inside my own head, with these vulgar and violent sexual thoughts of my Bella abolishing any sanity I had left.

And here she lays, against my side without the slightest care in the world, her heart full of trust. I brushed her silky brown hair with the tips of my fingers, relishing the feeling of life through her strands.

I've always wondered how compelled she would be to be intimate if she knew my sick fantasies.

_She would probably be turned on. _The sane part of me blanched as the bloodthirsty monster did back flips.

_You're definitely not sane. _That I knew.

She began to move, pulling herself away from my chest.

"Does Jessica smell particularly good to you?"

I laughed at her absurdity. "Well that was random." I eyed her with blatant suspicion. "She smells…average?" I struggled to find the right word. "She really doesn't stand out. Why do you ask?"

She bit her lip, avoiding eye contact. "Oh, it was nothing." She shrugged.

"Oh no you don't," I teased, pinching her sides softly causing her jump and squeal.

"Please tell me, Bella," I said, worst-case scenarios flooding my mind.

She sighed, avoiding eye contact. "It's nothing, really… I just had a weird dream, that's all." Her pulse began to pick up speed as she bit her lip, looking away.

I didn't like where this was heading. "So, you had a dream that involved Jessica Stanley…and me?" I said slowly.

She nodded, taking a deep breath and turning her attention back towards the television.

Her eyes were set on the screen but her mind was far in the distance. I grew anxious trying to read her pulse, testing the air for any signs of fear.

"Bella, you're driving me insane!" I looked at her sternly as she turned to face me, not at all surprised.

"Ugh…" She grumbled, wiggling herself off my lap. "Please don't be mad and please, _please _don't over rationalize it!"

I nodded, my mind already far beyond over-rationalization.

"Okay," She took an uneasy breath, steadying herself.

"I usually don't have dreams like this…but…"

The suspense was literally killing me.

"I was walking in the woods and I found you and Jessica Stanley." She leaned down towards me, her hot breath on my ear.

"You were _feeding _on her," She said in a small, fearful tone.

_Fuck. _My dead heart dropped as my eyes grew wide. _Of course she would be dreaming about that. _Perhaps she came to her senses, or formed some sort of self-preservation. Perhaps she was finally realizing the monster I am.

"_Oh…" _was all I could spit out in return.

_Now she's scared of you. _I shook my head, repulsed by my recent behavior.

It was just a matter of time till she left screaming, anyways.

I laced my fingers through my hair, my body shaking.

"Bella..." I said, taking her hands gently in mine. "I would _never _hurt anyone close to you."

She smiled, pressing a warm palm against my cheek. "I know that, Edward. It was just a dream. Please don't freak out over it, okay?"

I nodded, kissing her hand.

* * *

><p>~Bella's POV~<p>

My heart thumped erratically in my chest as I sat, getting bored (and a bit impatient) next to my vampire boyfriend. I honestly wanted to practice, or rather, _explore _our sexual boundaries. I began to fidget – tapping my foot and pulling a loose thread from my sleeve. Edward placed a cold hand on my thigh, stopping my movement.

"Bella?" His face was strained. I cursed my uncontrollable human antics.

"Hmm?" I tried my best to put on a smile and keep my face composed.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What is it?"

I sighed. "Just bored," I said, stretching my legs out in front of me.

"Let's do something, then." He said, turning off the T.V. and standing, lending his hand. Instead of taking his hand I attempted to pull in back down to the couch. He got the message, and sat next to me, a look of bewilderment plastered on his face.

I bit my lip, mustering up any much-needed courage I might of had tucked away. I leaned in, parting my lips and closing my eyes, hoping to god for some sort of contact. _Please don't move away, please don't move away. _I thought over and over again.

It wasn't long before I felt those perfect cool lips on mine. He wrapped his arms around me in a strong embrace, pressing me firmly to his chest, deepening the kiss. He groaned as I flicked his bottom lip with my tongue, reveling in his sweet scent and taste.

He opened his mouth to mine – something he didn't normally allow – giving me permission to deepen the kiss even more.

I swooned from his taste and scent; from the feel of his ice-cold tongue dancing with mine. My legs shook as I attempted to keep myself standing, my knees becoming jelly along with my ankles. He held me up with one arm, pressing me into himself for support, lacing his other hand through my hair.

His body suddenly grew stiff and his lips stopped moving on mine. His hands were now by his side, his fists clenched.

He backed away with an agonizing groan. I didn't relent. I pushed myself back onto him, taking him by surprise. Before I could even think twice about kissing his neck, he was gone.

I sighed in disappointment. Edward was on the opposite side of the room, looking to the floor, trying not to make eye contact.

"What was that about?" I said, annoyed, trying to keep level-headed.

"It was too much," he replied.

I rested my hands on my hips, taking a slow breath to calm my nerves.

"I thought this is what you wanted…"

"It's not. I mean, _it is_…" He shook his head, lacing his fingers through his tousled hair.

I was getting impatient. "What is it then?"

He sighed, shaking his head. "I don't want to hurt you – "

"Oh, not _this _again," I rolled my eyes, throwing my hands in the air.

"Bella, please, let me explain – "

"Explain what?" I yelled, my face fuming. "Explain how indecisive you are? Or how about your now constant mood swings? Or about how _you're _allowed to tease _me _– making me all hot and bothered – but god forbid if I tease _you_, 'cause you might 'hurt me'…" I rambled on, my body hot with anger, my mind boiling with fury.

"I just don't get it, Edward. Where's the carnal energy? The lust? You show none of that, and quite frankly, I think you're _lying – _"

He was suddenly in front of me, grabbing onto my shoulders, causing me to look straight into his darkened face.

"You think I'm _lying?_" He growled through clenched teeth.

"You're horribly mistaken, Isabella Swan. I want to tear you to pieces. Bathe in your blood. Drain every ounce of life you have to offer while fucking you _senselessly_. I _dream_ of violently raping you, ripping your neck open, forcing you to do the unthinkable, watching you beg. I would _enjoy _it, Bella. I want to make you bleed. I want to _hurt _you. I relish in the thought of watching you die," The last words came out in almost a whisper as I stepped back, my heart hammering.

"Well this is quite the revelation," I said in a shaky tone. Edward stood back, his jaw tensed, and looked to the floor.

My heart stammered away as my head spun, my breath coming up in short spurts and coughs as I tried to grip onto reality. The floor felt as if it was melting under my feet as I fell to the floor. Edward rushed to my side, pleading for forgiveness. I pulled away from him and sat upright.

"Why have you never told me?" I began to break out in a cold nervous sweat, forcing myself to take slow and deep breaths.

Edward looked at me sympathetically with sad eyes. "I wanted to, really…"

Realization finally hit me all at once. Edward had just reveled his darkest side – something I've never thought was plausible – he actually had _evil _lurking inside of him. I felt like a complete idiot for not realizing it sooner. He's a vampire after all.

Subconsciously I always knew it was true. I knew that although he said he no longer wanted to kill me, or that my blood doesn't effect him that it wasn't true, it was engraved in his nature, now and always. Over time, though, I developed some sense of trust for the man – if that's what he is – and moronically decided to say 'yes' when he proposed.

To normal society, I would probably be deemed as self-destructive, a threat to myself, mentally ill for even _entertaining_ the thought of having a romantic relationship with a supernatural predator. _As if those even exist to the normal society. _

"If you don't want to marry me, I understand. Just know that despite what I just said, I really do love and adore you with every ounce of my being," He said, dejected.

I stood, taking a much-needed deep breath, straightening my spine and courageously looking at him in the eyes.

"No," I shook my head, "I knew what I was getting myself into. This is just another bump in the road; we'll get past it."

"But – "

"No more," I said, cutting him off, closing the ominous gap between us and embracing him in a hug. He was still at first, but gave in, wrapping his arms around my waist and squeezing me to him.

"I don't deserve such a wonderful creature," He murmured in my hair, kissing my forehead.

"_Au_ _contraire_," I smiled.

He smiled in return, kissing my nose.

"Oh, if only you had a sense of self-preservation," He chuckled, the mood suddenly changing into a lighter, more welcoming environment.

"If only…" I mumbled, nuzzling my face into his stone cold chest.

* * *

><p>Lemon next chapter, I promise! :p<p>

Thank you for reading!


	6. Risky Business

Remember me? Just your friendly neighborhood Spiderman! Just kidding.

But really, I did need to update. Sorry to keep you waiting peeps!

RATED M FOR LEMONS, LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE, AND DISTURBING SUBJECT MATTER.

Edward gets a little _too_ frisky in this chapter.

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight yaddayaddayadda

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6: Risky Business <strong>_  
><em>

_I was a predator. She was my prey. There was nothing else in the whole world but that truth. ~ _Edward Cullen, ''A Midnight Sun''

June 10th 2008

~Bella's POV~

It's been about two days since our last conversation about being physically intimate. Edward obviously thought that he was off the hook, that he 'frightened me away' with his ever-scary vampire antics and probably thinks I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole. To quote the man himself, he's '_horribly mistaken.'_

We lounged lazily on the leather couch in the front room of his house as the others were away hunting for weekend. He had one arm wrapped around my waist as he flipped nonchalantly through hundreds of channels.

"There's nothing on," He said, collapsing his back onto the couch, defeated.

"Well there are other things we can do…" I said slyly.

He looked at me in question. "And what might that be?"

I tucked my legs underneath me and sat up, taking a slow breath. I placed a hand gently on his leg for leverage and leaned in, parting my lips and closing my eyes. I felt a sudden gust of wind as my hand fell to the leather.

"Are you insane?" He shouted from across the room. "Do you not remember what I told you just a few days ago?"

"What, you think that's really going to deter me?" I huffed, tucking my arms across my chest and pursing my lips.

"Yes, I thought perhaps the stars were aligned just right, and maybe - just _maybe - _you _finally _got it through that thick skull of yours that we CAN NOT have sex while you're still human!" His eyes were wide with anger and disbelief, his hair wild and his fists clenched.

I felt the heat pool in my cheeks as my temper rose. "No!" I yelled, stamping my foot hard on the ground. "I will NOT be a married virgin, Edward. That's just _cruel!"_

He let out a short laugh. "You're kidding, right? This is all a bad joke."

"No! I'm serious, Edward. I'm NOT JOKING!" My voice must've rose to an octave I've never used before since Edward stepped back in surprise. His face fell as he sat onto the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh god, you _are _insane," he groaned, his back hunched and his eyes shut.

I stood in front of him. "Oh yeah, I must be _really_ fucking insane to want to something remotely sexual with my husband-to-be," I spat.

He looked up at me, his eyes dark with rage. "Bella," He started slowly, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, calming himself. "I'll _eat _you."

I rolled my eyes. "You've been saying that forever and it hasn't happened yet."

"_Yet," _he repeated in a grim manor.

"So we're just going to wait till one of us has a spontaneous combustion of sexual frustration?" I knew that one had to get to him, or at the very least make him think.

He was silent for a few beats, looking away, trying to figure out the best way to articulate what he was thinking. He opened his mouth to speak, but then quickly closed it and shrugged.

"You bring up a good point," he acknowledged, nodding his head. _Of course I do, _I thought morbidly. If only he could read my mind… _sometimes. _

"And I know you didn't forget about our _other _conversation – about how it's 'prudent' for us to 'practice'," I said, air quoting him sarcastically.

He snorted, rolling his eyes in annoyance. "It's like you _want _me to kill you." He muttered, almost too softly for me to hear.

My anger fumed as I clenched my tiny little fists until my knuckles went white. I grumbled and stomped my feet like a nine-year-old having a temper tantrum causing Edward to bite back a laugh. This got me even _angrier_, of course.

I went into a fit of animosity, spewing obscenities from the tip of my tongue to Edward, who stood there dumbfounded, occasionally seeing the sides of his mouth fight against an oncoming smile. _Of course he would find my fits of rage hilarious. _

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS! YOU PROMISED ME!" I hollered, closing the gap between us and pounding my fists on his stone chest as hard as I could possibly muster, knowing that it would probably cause nasty bruises, but not caring.

"Bella – " He exclaimed. My breathing was rapid as he fought to control me, grabbing onto my wrists gently, holding them to my side.

"My goal, for now, is to get you to our wedding. _Alive," _He said, enunciating the last words slowly as if I didn't understand English. He released my wrists quickly and looked away.

I huffed, my body still vibrating from rage. "That shouldn't be difficult," I grumbled, still not convinced that I was in any danger in his presence.

I felt the tears before they even settled in my eye sockets. I took a deep breath, trying to hold them back, but it seemed to just make the process faster.

In no time at all (and I _really_ mean that) tears as big as crocodiles were running down my face. I turned away from Edward, embarrassed by my now cheerless and sloppy face and lack of composure.

He was beside me instantly. "Please don't cry, love," He said in his soft, tender voice, caressing my cheek with his cold hand.

My nose ran as tears continued to roll down my cheeks, Edward locking his arms around me. I burrowed my face into his chest in a poor attempt to hide from the world at that moment. Edward stroked my hair soothingly, murmuring words of kindness in my ear.

I took a shaky sigh, pulling away. "You – you don't… want me…" I choked, as relentless tears ran down my face.

"Shhh," he cooed softly, kissing away my tears away with soft pecks.

I pulled out of his embrace, wiping my soaked face.

"Feel better?" He said, giving me a soft smile. I nodded in reply as he brushed a strand of hair to the back of my ear. He softly lifted my chin, making me swoon from his golden eyes.

"Bella, if I were human, I would have deflowered you a _very _long time ago," His said sternly. I snorted at his old-fashioned vocabulary.

"What?" He beamed, clearly happy that my mood turned for the better.

I shook my head. '"_Deflowered?"'_

His eyebrows furrowed. "You don't know what that means?"

"No no," I shook my head, "I _know _what it means but… you're just old."

His expression was priceless: Pure shock, his mouth slightly agape.

He was silent for a few beats.

"Does that mean you're not mad anymore?" He said, a sudden smile spreading across his face.

I groaned, and turned away from him, crossing my arms and tapping my foot. It was true; I couldn't stay angry with him for more than ten minutes. It was _beyond_ frustrating. But I was determined; I wasn't going to relent or give-up.

He was behind me instantly, his cool arms wrapping neatly around my torso.

"Please don't be angry with me, love," He murmured, his cool breath against my ear. I shuttered, his sent wafting around me, causing my head to feel light. He traced his ice-cold fingers lightly on the soft skin behind my ears, slowing moving down the nape of my neck.

"No fair," I managed to breath out, his obvious diversion working.

I heard him chuckle lightly behind me, replacing his fingers with his soft lips. He kissed down the side of my neck, wrapping his arms around my waist, holding him to me. I pressed myself back into him with enthusiasm.

_Is this really happened? _I thought. I must've gotten through to him somehow.

But I must have jinxed myself. He pulled away with a groan, causing me to sigh in disappointment.

"Bella, trust me, I would love to," He said, reading my disgruntled expression plastered clearly on my face.

"I haven't been myself lately. If you would have imposed this a few weeks ago…" He said, thoughtful.

Excuse me? A few weeks ago? _What_? I was perplexed. I didn't know where to begin and what to say. A thousand questions were piling up in my mind at a hundred miles per hour.

"What has changed since then?" I raised an eyebrow in question.

"Your blood. I yearn for it. I've always had – don't get me wrong – but now, the _need _for it is more powerful than ever. I made the mistake of tasting it, which had detrimental effects on me. It's like… oh, how to explain it…" He looked up to the ceiling, as though that had some sort of magical answer. I wish.

"It's like I've relapsed. Just that little drop, that _taste. _It drove me insane – and it still is. Devouring you is all I can think about, in one form or another," He gave an impish smile at this, baring his teeth.

"I've been repressing the urge for human blood for almost a century now, and it's taken its toll. But that's sadly not all. I _want _you, Bella. Please understand that. I want you to the point where it hurts, to the point where I can hardly control it. Do you comprehend how that makes me feel? How scared I am? Of myself?" He looked at me sternly now, waiting for me to answer him.

I stood there wide-eyed before him. "Errr…"

"If I keep repressing these urges, I'm worried I'll be driven to the point where I'll lose control, lose the ability to differentiate between my morals and my needs. I'm very confused, as you can tell, very torn." He shook his head, lacing his fingers through his hair.

"And these thoughts…" He continued. "I can't control them. They're violent, immoral, and grotesque." He shook his head, disgusted, trying to rid himself of those thoughts.

"It's troublesome. It's engraved in my nature, something I can't change or part with. And trust me, it's _always _in the back of my mind."

I was finally beginning to understand. He was at his breaking point, ready to boil over; worried he might kill me and not even realize it. He was already going against the natural order of things by dating his prey. He built up tolerance to my blood and scent, but now it seemed to disintegrate. Vanish.

And to top it off, his hormones were off the hook.

"I can't loose you, Bella. I've waited for my mate for too long, I can't bare loosing you," He mourned, his face depressingly twisted with morbid thoughts. I could only imagine what he was thinking.

"Well…" I breathed, "I have an idea…"

His golden eyes beamed with inquiry. "Do tell."

I stepped closer to him, my movements slow and thought-out, eyeing him suspiciously, making sure it was alright to be close.

I laced my hand with his, kissing his long delicate fingers.

"You said it was prudent to practice," He immediately began to pull away, but I stopped him, stepping closer.

"I think it would be safer if we _do _practice. Baby steps. And if we have to move the wedding back, we will, it's no big deal. Honestly, I'm worried you'll burst, and I don't particularly want to be eaten alive."

He chuckled lightly. "Well that's a relief. All this time I thought you were just _waiting _for me to combust and murder you."

I rolled my eyes and continued. "We can go slow… like really slow, if we have to. And I promise I'll tell you if you hurt me…or frighten me in any way. We can make this work, I promise," I said, looking into his eyes meaningfully.

He placed a cold hand on my cheek, cupping my face, and kissed me. _Hard_. It took every ounce of self-control _I _had not to wrap my arms around him and press myself into him. I didn't want to make any fast movements, so I let him lead.

His cool lips moved with mine softly, his tongue tracing my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I opened my mouth as he deepened the kiss, groaning at his sweet taste.

He pulled away as I gasped for air.

His face was wild. "Jesus, Bella, you taste amazing."

Before I could reply, he was back at my mouth sucking on my lips and forcing his tongue deep into my mouth. I was being overloaded with vampire pheromones, and those are the most powerful pheromones out there.

He laced one hand in my hair, holding my face to his. The other was placed on the small of my lower back as he groaned, pushing his body into mine.

Heat rose to my cheeks as I felt his need; the proof that he _did _want me, in all the same ways that I wanted him (if not more).

My teeth grazed lightly on his bottom lip, making him let out a low, menacing growl which vibrated through my body to the tips of my toes.

He pulled away apologetically. "Sorry," He breathed.

"Don't be," I whispered, assaulting his face with kisses just as he did mine. He didn't push away. Instead, he welcomed my wet kisses with a needy sigh, breathing me in.

In a fraction of a second I was on my back on the leather couch, Edward hovering over me, keeping his weight off my fragile body. He kissed down my neck, trailing his fingers down my body to the hem of my shirt, lightly touching the tiny bit of skin exposed between my pants and shirt.

Although the touch was light, I shivered in response. This time, though, he did not pull away. He continued to feather my neck with open-mouthed kisses, my body growing increasingly more fervent.

He pressed himself between my legs, making me gasp at the feel of his hard length through his jeans. He groaned, deep and sultry, never taking his eyes off my face, gauging my every reaction.

My heart began to beat rapidly and irregularly, causing my face to flare up and burn a deep red, which I'm sure reached my stomach. These ordinary and unavoidable human reactions made me self-conscious in front of my all-to-perfect fiancé.

My stomach curled deliciously as he pressed himself into me again, rubbing his length against my now drenched center. I moaned, pressing back into him with the same heated enthusiasm, tearing at the buttons on his shirt.

He chuckled, grabbing my wrists gently. At first I pouted, thinking he was going to stop, but instead he ripped his button-down off in one fluid movement, the buttons flying everywhere.

I began to unbutton my own shirt, before cold hands clamped around my wrists holding them immobile.

"Bella…" Edward's eyes burned sternly into mine, his face pleading.

"Please, I want this. I trust you," I begged, my voice sounding slightly like a five-year-old whining.

His eyebrows furrowed and he sighed, beginning to pull away. I immediately locked my legs around his hips and wrapped my arms around his torso.

"I'm not letting you go," I shook my head.

He let out a short laugh, and continued to pull away smoothly, my arms and legs no match for his supernatural strength and stone body.

He stood up from the couch gingerly and turned around, looking for his shirt.

He picked it up from the ground and held it up. "Another vampire casualty. It's a sad day for the polyester community," He laughed, shaking his head in amusement.

"Huh," I gave him a fabricated smiled as my mind was far from reality.

I was inwardly plotting against Edward's fragile sexual restraint. I knew _now _that he was acceptable to temptation and lust, and was devising a plan to use exactly that to my advantage.

* * *

><p>Here we were again, lounging on the leather couch with absolutely nothing to do, flipping through the monotonous channels on the Cullen's big-screen plasma surround-sound.<p>

He had one arm wrapped around me as I lay partially on top of him and the couch. I nuzzled into his side watching the sun descend below the trees from one of the many large windows.

"Edward?" I began, looking up at his perfectly sculpted face.

"Hmm?" His eyes lit up instantly.

"Why were your eyes completely black the other day? I've never seen them like that before… even when we first started going out…" I rambled on.

He smiled. "I was about to bite you. It's the closest I've ever been to losing control with you. Quite the eye-opener, if you will." He squeezed me into his side, kissing my forehead.

We fell silent, staring blankly into the television screen.

"Hey Edward?" I asked again.

He chuckled. "Another question? You're full of them tonight."

"Never mind," I said quickly, taking it back and falling silent.

"Bella," He warned a few seconds later, "I'm dying over here."

I snorted. "I hate to break it to you, but you're _technically _already dead."

He gave me a stern look in reply.

"I forgot," I said simply, my cheeks burning from the lie. I could almost feel my nose growing longer.

He shot me another stern look, raising his eyebrows.

I sighed. He was never going to let this down until I ask.

"Well… I was just wondering… you know…"

He rolled his eyes. "No, I don't know," He said sarcastically with an edge of annoyance.

"Fine," I spat back bitterly, crossing my arms.

"Please tell me," He begged with his eyes like a poor little puppy. And how could a vampire remind me of a puppy? I don't know, he just did.

I groaned. It wasn't a fair fight.

"Well… I know you have venom in your mouth…"

He nodded.

"I was just wondering why you're able to kiss me without me going into some kind of epileptic shock?"

He laughed boisterously. "That was it? That was the big question? You got me worked up for nothing."

It was my turn to shoot him a stern stare.

"Our venom effects a human only if it's directly exposed to the bloodstream. Hence why I can kiss you just as much as I like without any worry," He said, parting his lips and kissing me softly. I sighed into his kiss, and suddenly became needy and heated as he pushed deeper into my mouth.

I laced my fingers through his messy hair, attempting to lock his face to mine as our tongues danced together. I suddenly felt something sharp against my tongue, causing him to pull away with a loud hiss.

"Careful love, sharp teeth," He winked, continuing his assault on my mouth.

My tongue again slipped between his lips, and curiosity (and the obvious love of danger) got the best of me. I slowly, but deliberately dragged my tongue along the front of his teeth.

He pulled away, his eyes wild. "Bella –" He warned, "_Those _are very sensitive. And if you do that again," He said, picking me up swiftly and throwing me onto the sofa, "I might just _lose _every form of sanity I have left." He smiled, pinching my sides causing me to squeal.

_Have to remember that one. _I thought wickedly to myself.

His face was inches from mine before he stood up, sighing and smiling to himself. I pouted; knowing that our physical episode has came to an end.

But I wasn't ready to stop.

"Dinner?" He asked. I nodded, my mind far from the present.

I suddenly felt strong and lethal. I knew what had to be done.

He turned away from me for a second, giving me enough time to unbutton my shirt fully, exposing my purple satin bra. My heart was beating out of my chest as my breath cracked in my chest.

He sensed my change. "Bella – " He turned around, his eyes bulged from his head before he composed himself.

His eyes smoldered immediately, turning into deep, dark amber. My stomach curled as I bit my lip, my face flaring.

He closed his eyes and turned away. "What are you doing?" He asked, his voice rough and laced with disapproval.

I felt a pang of reject radiate through my body as embarrassment flooded my features. Tears began to swell in my eyes as my heart fell. My worst fears suddenly came to life: _He didn't want me, I knew it. He's disgusted, repelled by my body. _

"Please look at me," I whispered, biting back a sob.

He movements were faster than what I expected, taking me by surprise. He was suddenly kneeling in front of me, his eyes wide, ogling at my chest.

"You're a vixen," He growled, pushing my back into the couch roughly, kissing my lips with such force I'm sure it left a bruise.

I knew what I was doing was risky business, and I was about to delve in to uncharted territory, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I was diving headfirst into a tank of sharks, but wasn't the slightest bit worried. I was purely excited, my body thrumming with electricity, condemning myself into damnation.

We were suddenly in his bed, our bodies tangled and frantically kissing one another with rushed impulses. He tore my bra away with a growl, arousal flooding my core, sending shivers of pleasure to the tips of my fingers.

He pressed himself between my legs as I whimpered, teetering between pleasure and absolute pain. His jaw was taught and his eyes were closed above me as he pressed himself into my pelvic bone again and again, the friction driving me insane with lust. His arousal was prominent, causing his jeans to strain under the indisputable force being brought on.

I moaned as he cupped both of my breasts, arching my back into his cold touch. He rolled his thumbs over my nipples, causing a rush of pleasure to roll throughout my body.

He kissed along my jaw, his hands roaming over my breasts and stomach with unbelievable quickness as I tore and ripped at the button on his jeans.

I finally undid his pants, antsy to finally see the package that was always carefully concealed and put away. My hands were itching to touch him (not to mention shaking from pure anxiety) as I pulled down the zipper.

I looked up to see Edward towering over me on his knees, his ebony eyes observing closely. I pulled those damned pants past his hips along with his boxers, revealing his very firm manhood. I couldn't help but gasp at the size and girth. Was the size natural? I didn't have anything to compare it to, and he _was _a vampire after all.

"Was that a good gasp?" He asked in a husky tone, looking down at me with genuine curiosity.

I could have laughed. "Oh, it was a _very _good gasp," I nodded, looking at the wonderful work of art before me.

I ran my fingers up the side of his length, mesmerized by the soft texture that seemed to be even smoother than the rest of his body. It seemed malleable, but at the same time completely stiff and immovable, much like the rest of his stone-like structure.

I wrapped my tiny hand around his length and squeezed, eliciting the most delicious growl that vibrated through my entire being. I began to move my hand as I remembered from a few nights' back, causing him to moan in pleasure as his head fell backwards. His hands were clenched tightly at his hide as his arms shook with restraint.

"That's it, Bella, just like that," He groaned, as I began to pump faster. His eyes stayed fixed between my face and my hand's movement, his face contorted with pleasure.

"I've wanted this for so long," he rasped through clenched teeth as I kissed his chest. It almost brought tears of happiness to my eyes, hearing him say those words. I never thought in a million years a man of his caliber would possibly want such a plain girl like me.

He abruptly grabbed my wrists, making me jump in surprise. I looked up at him in question and saw a grim face looking back.

"Wha – " Before I could even get the words out of my throat, he pushed my back against the bed, knocking the wind from my lungs. I gasped for air, as Edward moved over me is a flash, thrusting his erection onto my pelvic bone roughly.

"Edward," I moaned, as he created a rhythm with his hips, pressing himself onto my sensitive sex.

He took a deep breath in, his eyes rolling to back of his skull.

"You smell so good when you're wet," He growled, as I drew out a moan in response.

My mind was on another plane of existence, somewhere between absolute bliss and satisfaction. I was floating, invincible. I finally got through the unyielding, bullheaded Edward, something I didn't think was remotely possible a few days before. _If only I knew! _

He kissed along my neck, resting his body on mine, the cool putting out the fire, which dwelled inside of me. I relaxed into his touch as his hands roamed over my body. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he moaned, continuing to press his hard length onto me, creating the most delightful friction.

His movements suddenly became more frantic as his thrusts became more powerful and rushed. His groans became a series of loud growls and hisses as he laced his fingers through my hair, pulling tightly.

I winced, and he continued to pull. "Ow, Edward…" I whined. He pulled away for a fraction of a second, revealing his face.

My heart felt like it stopped, my gut dropping to the floor. Edward's eyes were entirely black, as if his irises swallowed his entire eye. Deep red circles formed under the eyes of the monster on top of me as he bared his teeth. I knew in that moment that I dug my own grave. He warned me, didn't he? And I just kept pushing…

"Edward, stop," I pleaded, trying to push the immovable chunk of granite above me. I wasn't sure if he felt my struggles, or if he heard my cries, but I sure as hell wasn't going to give up.

I felt his cold nose along my jaw, tracing along the side of my neck as my breath hitched in my throat. His body pressed onto mine more firmly, restraining me to the bed.

"Edward… Please, don't…" I begged, hoping that there was still some form of sanity still left inside the corpse above me. But there was none. The Edward I have come to trust and love had been completely destroyed by the monster that possessed him.

He growled in reply, pinning my shoulders to the mattress and my arms to my side. He breathed in sharply near the base of my neck as I trembled.

I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath, bracing myself for what was to come. I felt a sudden sting of pain at the side of my neck and I knew he bit through, his teeth sinking through my skin just as a knife would through soft butter.

He released a loud and primal growl as he took the first painful gulp from my neck, embracing my body to his. He bit down again and again, releasing my vital fluid into his hungry mouth as blood dripped down the side of my neck. I could feel a warm, wet puddle forming underneath me, and I could only guess it was my own blood.

"Edward, please, you need to stop," I breathed, my muscles turning limp and my head spinning.

Edward…" I tried again; as he brought his hand over my mouth to muffle the cries. My one last hope completely lost.

My vision began to blur and falter and my heart strained to keep beating. My breath was becoming shallow as my head swam. An eerie cold began to course through my loins as my pulse slowed. I could hear my heartbeat thrum loudly in my ears, impending death, my body growing numb.

Everything was fuzzy around me, the walls seemed to move, and then suddenly, they didn't. Nothing did. Nothing felt.

I was engulfed in complete and utter darkness.

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><p>Please please please review! It will certainly make my day. (:<p> 


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